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Digesting


Sounds stupid, three fuckin years late to come and apologize and admit I was wrong. Well, I still am, I have been for three years side a side, put together in a soldier line... I remember back then we were in the car and this music playing and then, I feared. I feared once, I should admit, that you would leave it all behind, me incluided, but I played right with words and made you change ideas. So you did. Just we were never the same. And it said... "remember when we were such fools, just convinced and just too cool? What happened?". Maybe you didn't see a little drop showing up. Unwelcome. Rolling on my cheeks, finding its way and disappearing.

If someone ever asks me to put in words of geometric forms what I felt back then I'd speak of a spiral, trying to become a circle, trying to become perfect, as we know it's what circles represent. And today, my dearest, I close the spiral and make it a circle, I know we had it all, we were in the same tune, just we lost it, and so I propose: let us share guilt. I screwd up, you were unable to forgive, even if a mistake was side a side of a huge love. You were unable to forgive, maybe if you had...

And now reality picks on me, keeps picking on my shirt asking me where the hell are you right now. Have you been smiling a lot? Are you loving someone else? I hope so. I've been unable since then, I'm afraid there is another you, someone as perfect to be loved. How does your face look now when you go to sleep? Do you still wear jogging pants? What books have you been reading? Have you kept my letters and gifts? Do you still remember the parfum? Are you happy, dear? I just hope so.

Let us continue life, that was nothing but dreaming, I should have guessed.



Your scar is still here, your first letter on my knee, and I don't think it'll ever go away, I don't want it to, everytime I look at it reminds me of happiness and of you. And believe it or not, it doesn't hurt anymore, it just lacks. Something...

I'm on my way to find it, just I don't see you in the picture anymore. And yes, yes, yes, maybe I just needed someone to trust, I guess I just learned to trust myself.

Loved you sharply.

Stay put and take care.

I'm gonna find another you, I hope he looks just like you, sing it to me, Mayer.

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