I want to be single with you.
I want you to go out for a beer with your friends and don't feel like you owe me satisfaction, just have that beer, your friends were there before I was. I want, in the midst of a hangover, that you ask me to join you because you want to hold me in your arms and I want to curl up next to you. I want you, just after woken up, to talk to me about everything that goes through your head, but I want you feel free to make different plans for the rest of the day. I will do the same.
I want you to tell me about your evenings with friends. To tell me about that girl at the bar who would not stop looking at you. I want you to write me to tell me when you're drunk nonsense, just to make sure that I'm thinking about you.
I want to laugh while we make love, maybe because we feel awkward between the sheets. I want that, while we are with our friends, you take me by the hand and take me to another room because you do not resist more and you want to make love to me right there, at that moment. We'll try to be the quietest possible.
I want to eat with you, I want to feel free to talk, and I want you to do the same. I want to imagine the apartment of our dreams, knowing that perhaps we will never live together. I want you to tell me your plans without rhyme or reason. I want you to surprise me, to tell me "Get your passport, go!"
I want to be afraid with you. I want to do things you would not do with anyone else, just because I feel safe with you. I want to go home after a drunken night out with friends and I want you to take my face in your hands, kiss me and hold me tight.
I want you to have your life, to be able to decide to go on a trip. Leave me here alone and bored, waiting for your "hello" on my phone. I will not always attend your evenings out and I do not want ever expect the same from you. We will just meet the next day.
I want privacy. I don't want Facebook posts and public love letters, as much as "keeping it in your pants" is a thing, so "keeping it between the two of us" is. In fact, for all I'm concerned my Facebook page will say I'm widowed and live in China as a small protest for all the relationship oversharing out there.I don't want to celebrate our anniversaries. I want a casual sushi date to be the best for no specific reason.
I want something that is, at the same time, simple ... but not too much. Something that puts in my head a thousand questions but let me know the answers are just near, with you. I want you to think I'm beautiful, you're proud to say it when we're together. I want to hear you say you love me, just as I do with you. I want you to let me walk in front of you so you can enjoy the view of my ass. Scratch that. Just because I like being alone too much, and you understand it, so just let me walk on my pace alone now and then.
I want to have no time for you. I want you to understand why: I want to concentrate on my work, and just wish you are proud of me while I do that. I want to never have to fight about this, I want us just to enjoy the moments we have together. I will be sleeping with a textbook open when you get home, I will be on-call on your days off, but I want you to know and respect the profession I chose. It was never going to be easy. I want you to know you could have dated anyone else, but you still chose me. And I chose you not because you chose me, but because I was blind after I met you, and no one else mattered. I want this to be obvious for you, that you never have to ask me on your worst moments of insecurity.
I want to make plans, although we do not know if we will realize them or not. I want to be your friend, the person you love to go out and play. I will not lose the desire to flirt with other men, but will always come back to you anyways, when the evening draws to an end. Because maybe I will go home first, without you. I want to be the person you adore making love and fall asleep soon after. The person who gets out of the way while you work and who loves watching you when you get lost in the music you love.
So if you want to be single too, we should just admit we want to be together. I want to have a single life, but with you.