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A study of human behaviour as a rational insightful machine. A doctor's most important lesson.

Earlier this year I was diagnosed with a chronic disease, that is, something I will be carrying around until it takes me down, or takes  the possibility of doing something of my life I had planned and now I need to hurry - running out of time? Sadness, denial? Maybe, but what the hell, mostly: it is incredible how the possibility of death or the simple barrier between you and your dreams make you alive. Life gets more colorful. You smile more, god knows when you'll cross that person again, or see that place again. Maybe next time you won't be in a good shape at all, let it be in 60 or 80 years, whatever. What do you know? I thank the threat of death for making me see life brighter. My biggest fear of dying asking myself "what if" has been cross checked. Life's good, I don't feel betrayed by it, I think it gives me a chance. Thanks, I'll take it. That's all there is. 

I'm not a very dramatic person that makes a big deal out of stuff and maybe this is nothing at all, but insightful experiences always leave a mark on you. And that's the good stuff, by the way. Maybe this is not killing anyone AT ALL, but just killing some possibilities, for some people, that's death dressed not in black, but in some other color.

Doctor's recommendation: smile at the face of death.

A book to read: Saramago, As interminências da morte.

Comentários

Saramago is amazing even.
Interesting when we encounter a problem and so hard that we find in ourselves.
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Quem não escreve, respira sem ar.

eu te encontrei
haviam lá mil correntezas que me levavam ao mesmo lugar
eu nao te amei
saibas que sei mentir quando preciso nadar
nos calculei
e perdi a conta de quantas vezes precisei falar
e de uma so vez
redigi palavras cuspidas no ar
evaporei
a pontuação - larguei freios corri a te amar
desmistifiquei
as mil armadilhas que me convenciam a voltar
inaugurei
avenidas com teu nome que sempre me guiavam ao lar
viuvei
enquanto te escutava mas ja nao sabia te amar
 (interpretar)
mal afundei e
desacreditei nossos planos; so quis poetar.
agürei
essas tantas vezes que quisera dissertar.
quiçá quem não o escreve
respira sem ar.