Pular para o conteúdo principal

Chegou a hora, Joaquim




Então eu me fiz de pé, caminhei até o canto da parede do meu quarto, Gemma Hayes cantava At Constant Speed, eu tinha uma garrafa de água na mão, eu bebia, e caia mais lágrimas, fechei os olhos, descarreguei o peso do meu corpo no canto e depois disso, mais nada.

And it all comes to me right now... Like a starving dog crawling for attention.

E do nada, a Yasmin, que eu não vejo há 8 anos, bate a porta do meu quarto, eu deixo o meu canto e me arrasto até lá, sem dizer uma palavra, ela me abraça e eu penso: obrigada, eu já ia cair no chão se alguém não me segurasse.

- Tu ainda lembra de mim?
- É lógico que eu lembro, Yasmin.
- Que bom, eu tava com saudades.

And the thing about destiny is that it never ever makes mistakes...

E eu continuo, volto pro canto e reinicio o processo.

Obrigada, pai.

Pela parte da minha existência e por todo o vasto resto.

E se eu pareço essa pessoa forte, às vezes eu tenho a certeza que é fortaleza de cal. Outra coisa sobre os arianos é que eles engolem o choro pra quando estiverem a sós. Funciona, quero dizer, na maior parte do tempo.

But if I keep at constant speed...



Chegou a hora, Joaquim
de mergulhar no profundo desencanto sem fim
dos homens todos do mundo.

Chegou a hora, Joaquim
de perguntar pelo trigo
Pela aurora pendoada
na messe do teu jazigo.

Chegou a hora, Joaquim
de perguntar pela bomba
que foi jogado do céu
por cima da tua sombra.

Chegou a hora, Joaquim
de perguntar pela flor
Pela estrela germinando
nos olhos do pescador.

Chegou a hora, Joaquim
de perguntar pela paz.







Fico enchendo as bochechas pra ver se pego algum ar.

Comentários

Postagens mais visitadas deste blog

Формула хорошего врача

“Не ищите ответов”, - сказал он четко. Однако мне потребовалось несколько лет, чтобы понять эту фразу. Её произнёс профессор Философии и пациент отделения кардиологии. “Умейте задавать себе правильные вопросы”. Я на него смотрела и донца не могла понять смысл сказанного. В тот момент мне хотелось лишь выспаться, но с того дня я «допрашивала» себя чаще: зачем я год за годом, отдаю медицине лучшие годы своей жизни? И так уже шесть лет. Мы скоро, буквально через пару месяцев, будем врачами. Что же мне необходимо, какие профессиональные и человеческие качества я должна развивать, чтобы допустить себя к людям в худший момент их жизни? Оказывается, есть многое за пределами учебников. Задавая себе все время вопросы, я понимаю, что приближаюсь ближе и ближе к ответу. Дифференциальный диагноз, интерпретация анализов, написание истории болезней, правильно собранный анамнез — это те термины, которые мы слышим каждый день, которые мы за шесть лет должны уметь применять в пользу пациента...

A study of human behaviour as a rational insightful machine. A doctor's most important lesson.

Earlier this year I was diagnosed with a chronic disease, that is, something I will be carrying around until it takes me down, or takes  the possibility of doing something of my life I had planned and now I need to hurry - running out of time? Sadness, denial? Maybe, but what the hell, mostly: it is incredible how the possibility of death or the simple barrier between you and your dreams make you alive. Life gets more colorful. You smile more, god knows when you'll cross that person again, or see that place again. Maybe next time you won't be in a good shape at all, let it be in 60 or 80 years, whatever. What do you know? I thank the threat of death for making me see life brighter. My biggest fear of dying asking myself "what if" has been cross checked. Life's good, I don't feel betrayed by it, I think it gives me a chance. Thanks, I'll take it. That's all there is.  I'm not a very dramatic person that makes a big deal out of stuff and maybe thi...

Purple crutches

“I wish you a great future”, then she gave me her hand - similar to a peace offering. She had a simple case of a stomach ulcer, I had patched her up around 3am in our ER, I had simply asked her if there had been any unusual stress in her life lately, to which she replied “I had kids too early, I wish I had done more with my life”. I could feel the courage-fuel she was burning while saying these words. I didn’t give her any speech. Just admiration, and a small part of me smirked at my childhood hoping my mother had realized that sooner. Well, she didn’t. I made my life’s mission to become exactly the opposite of her. As I typed in another ER report for the 27-year-old sitting next to me, I came to an uncomfortable realization: how not often patients wish us anything at all, like we’re not people, like we don’t have feelings. She had wished me as much as a great future - that’s a lot. I hope she knows that’s exactly what I wished her, too. Truth is, I felt like my emotional energy could...